Banking Problems Continue

They don’t just continue, they multiply! I recovered from Pasha sometime on Monday only to discover that my Visa had gone missing sometime on Saturday. Now, I can absolutely say that I didn’t buy any drinks (which I will be repaying in free dinners for the next six months) and I didn’t charge a cab home and I had it prior to going into Pasha, so my best guess is it is lying in a gutter somewhere in East London. Good for it-bon voyage. One phone call to Visa netted ten minutes on hold, an Indian chick trying to sell me on mortgages and a new card promised within 10 days.
Lest ya’ll had forgotten about the whole British banking debacle, inroads were laid. I finally, FINALLY got the application approved and my shiny Solo card appeared in the mail (the name says “Miss Aoy”-thanks, now EVERYONE knows I’m single; really, necessary?) with its attendant chip. After much research and debate (and freezing on the balcony) the inevitable phone call to BT phone was made to receive broadband. My experience to date with British government agencies has been slightly poor, to say the least. I was thankfully surprised when “Jamie” (he seemed like a Jamie, perhaps an Ollie) jovially talked me through my options and agreed to have Internet installed in FIVE BUSINESS DAYS!!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it-something in under three weeks-happy day! Of course, the reason for the delay-and I kid ya’ll not-is that when you reconnect a landline or order Internet, there must be a COOLING OFF PERIOD of 32-48 hours before the order can go through. I seriously expect a handgun to arrive with a router. But here’s where the British banks intervene. This was all too easy, silly me. You may get the card, you might even have an account and branch sort code (little info-you can ONLY do business at the branch that holds your account; it’s the banking system of yore in the 21st C.) but you have to ACTIVATE the debit account. In the US one can call the little number on the front of the card, decide on a clever PIN the will involve the birthday of a family member in someway, and then Bob’s Your Uncle! Oh no no no, in London you can either-mail a form in via snail mail and wait for them to receive, process and send a form back out or go to ‘your’ branch. I opted for B and was scolded by the cashier for not going to the 2nd cashier that handles new accounts (pardon, no signage, makes it hard) but grudgingly took the form. But wait, where was my original letter or acceptance with the full account number on it (as opposed to the 7 numbers already on the form in front of her)? Leaving your form at home gets you a “Tsk tsk” and five more minutes of standing in front of the window. Finally, she looks up at me and says, “Ok, you’re activated. You should receive your PIN in the mail in up to business days and THEN you can use your account.” Does this paragraph seem long, winding and pointless??? Because it sure as hell seems that way to me! It’s taken 7 weeks to set up a student checking account! I only shudder to think of investments or IRAs. Perhaps money launderers and the Swiss have it right-fight the power!

Brit banks and US banks settled, I conveniently forgot about my US insurance. I have applied for NHS but I had better pray to God I don’t get sick over here as I understand it. You apply, wait for them to contact you, then go to an office to wait, then wait for a letter, then wait to die waiting for an NHS number. Those Brits are sneaky Commies! But my US insurance, which I always billed to my Visa (lost somewhere in London) needed to be changed. This is where I had MANY MANY MANY “Northern moments”. BlueCrossBlueShield of NC is DAMN lucky that I am an ocean away. First, I simply thought to pay via Internet as the automatic debit would not have gone through. Ha! That would imply that their website worked, ever. After 4 fruitless days and e-mails to the Tech department, I loaded up my mobile and dialed the U.S. Three more days of being disconnected and told, “The Web Difficulties Help Line is currently experiencing difficulties, please try back later” for FOUR DAYS I was 14 quid poorer and a lot more ramped up. Plus, they have the worse automated response systems ever-‘So your policy is WWPX 134567; no, it’s really YPPW126802; you seem to be having trouble with our system; try back later; CLICK” Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. When I finally got a hold of of Columbus (that would be a human being in NC) in the billing department, I learn that A) His computer might be down; B) I can’t pay over the phone-they don’t take payments over the phone, ever; C) He is going to process my cancellation paperwork because I’m no a resident of NC as I’m in London for more than 60 days; D) I am supposed to mail a check to NC by Friday or Monday (this was Wednesday and that is an impossible feat unless I flew it there in person). I should feel worse about the fact that I 100% lost it on the phone with him but that was it. I had had it up to THERE and back and was trapped on the treadmill of the worst business management model possible. When “Columbus”, in a desperate bid to get me off his phone line so he could go cry in the women’s room” transferred me to the Web Support line, I was suddenly back at the main menu being asked in Spanish to enter my BCBSNC # or to visit their website.

I hung up, turned the walls of the bedroom blue, and called Mama. When in doubt, Southern girls call the mamas. It’s like a homing device, just like we run to our daddies when we need something (sorry, it’s true-we know it) or have a bad boyfriend to be taken out to the woodshed. She agreed to post a check in the mail and magically had no problems understanding my ID# for the check. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG deep breaths were necessary. I eagerly await the results of this week.